One of my children has become
an expert at not taking personal responsibility and not admitting when a personal
wrong has been done. Often, when confronted with such inquiries and
accusations, this child immediately has a response that points blame elsewhere
or declares nothing wrong happened, though the truth is this child was
personally responsible for something wrong that took place. This is denial.
When I was a kid, I remember
sometimes being the “not me” kid or the ‘I didn’t do that” kid when in fact it
was me and I did do that at times. I lied in such situations probably to avoid
getting into trouble. This was a form of denial.
The problem of denial is that
it’s not just a kid thing or a river flowing in Egypt. Denial is something all
of us need to be keenly aware of in our own personal lives because it’s a
roadblock to better things like being a better person.
What if you or I are using
denial as some sort of self-protecting defensive mechanism when confronted, or
spiritually convicted, about the truth, the reality, regarding something in our
personal lives? Is denial a mask I am wearing to suppress or ignore a real
issue in my life, to possibly avoid being open, honest, and found out by
others?
Denial is not being truthful with
yourself, God, and others that there is something wrong in your life. There is
something broken. There is something messed up and so you don’t admit there is
an issue, a hurt, a habit, and/or a hang-up that is keeping you from being all
that God wants you to be. Denial is a false system of personal beliefs that
don’t jive with the truth. Denial extends
your issues and multiples them.
Can you think of some people
in the Holy Bible who were in denial?
How about Adam and Eve (Gen.
3)? God told them not to eat of a certain tree and they disobeyed God after
being deceived and tempted to do so by the Satan-influenced serpent. Eve ate it
first and then Adam. God confronted them and Adam blamed God and Eve and then
Eve blamed the serpent. This is an example of denial.
How about many of the Pharisees in the
days of Jesus? It is written (i.e. Matt. 23:2-3, 27-28) that they were
hypocrites who knew about scriptural truth and would teach/preach it to others,
but would not live it out personally. They appeared righteous on the outside
but they were in fact like tombs of dead bones on the inside.
How about King David (2 Sam.
12). He committed adultery with a married woman, Bathsheba, and ordered her
husband to go to the front lines in battle which led to the man’s death. God’s
prophet, Nathan, came to David and rebuked him for these sins and spoke of divine
consequences. David was living in denial, but praise God, after this
intervention he confessed and repented.
Denial is like being in a small cramped
room with a full grown wild elephant and believing/stating that the elephant is
not present or not an issue. Denial is like drinking alcohol regularly to the
degree that such behavior is destroying your relationships and eating away at
your employability but yet you tell yourself and others that you don’t have a
drinking problem. Denial is like thinking it’s okay if I lust about others just
in my mind or from looking at porn because this won’t hurt anyone else. Denial
is like wearing a t-shirt to church that says, everything is fine, but you,
those who live with you, and God know otherwise.
Denial often overlaps with
self-deception and deceiving others. The Devil is known as the great deceiver (Rev. 12:9) but we know a thing or two about it as
well, don’t we?
Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, “The easiest person to
deceive is one's own self.”
Erwin W. Lutzer, “We are experts at deceiving others
and ourselves too!”
Note: Quotes above from Draper's Book
of Quotations for the Christian World.
If we say we have no sin, we deceive
ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:8 ESV
For years as an adolescent I compared
my anger to another specific person’s anger and I would think to myself that he
had a big temper problem. I felt like I never acted out like he did in anger so
I don’t have any anger issues. But the truth is, I’ve had several sinful anger
episodes in my life. I was in fist fights when I was a kid and adolescent. I’ve
been mad and aggressive at times when I was very frustrated or felt threatened.
As a parent, I’ve yelled at and tried to intimidate my sons in my anger before.
In years past, I was in personal denial about anger in my life. I thought, “I’ve
seen others really lose their temper and escalate in rage. That’s not me. They
have a problem. I don’t.” That was denial in my life! And if I kept wearing a mask
of denial and self-deception that there was no anger issue to address in my
life how would I ever get some help and truly change for the better?
Have you ever worn some sort of mask of
denial, thinking to yourself you have no issues in your life, telling others
you are fine, wanting others to think you are fine but you are not really
because there truly are issues in your life? Have you ever been in denial that
someone close to you doesn’t really have a problem when in fact they do have a
problem?
There is a living hope for those
who trust Jesus Christ as personal Savior and Lord and live according to God’s
Word for His people today.
Blessed be the God and Father of our
Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born
again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable,
undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5
who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation
ready to be revealed in the last time. 1 Peter 1:3-5 ESV
Denial a key roadblock to personal
recovery, receiving help, and growing as the person God desires you to be. This
is why Lesson #1 in Celebrate Recovery is about Denial. In order to really have
the better life that God wants you and I to have we must acknowledge and move
past this denial roadblock in our life before real progress occurs.
If you are struggling with denial, or
any hurts, habits, or hang-ups, then give your life fully to Jesus Christ and
expect Him to intervene and minister to you through His Word, His people, and
circumstances to guide you on the right path. You and I need to take personal
responsibility in this spiritual growth/recovery journey and God will help us
and bless us and others through us greatly when we do.
John Baker wrote (from Celebrate
Recovery Leader’s Guide), “Walking out of denial is not easy. Taking off that
mask is hard. Everything about you shouts, “Don’t do it! It’s not safe!” But it
is safe.”
It is safe with God and the right and
good thing to do. It can also be safe by opening up with a trusted friend or
group about the true issues in your life. It can be safe in a ministry like
Celebrate Recovery which seeks to promote a safe and confidential environment
for open sharing.
What’s holding you back in denial? Do
you fear others finding out about your issues? Are you afraid of your past or your
future? Are you afraid to change in the present? Are you avoiding personal
responsibility? Are you trying to avoid potential consequences?
God is good and He has a plan for His
people that is part of His overall plan to work things out according to His
good purposes. He wants you to experience joy and peace and comfort from Him.
He wants His redeemed to experience the abundant life as well as eternal life
in Christ.
Personal denial is a roadblock to God’s
good plans for you. Denial keeps you stuck in issues instead of growing in
freedom according to God’s gracious will.
John Baker wrote (from Celebrate
Recovery Leader’s Guide), “Step out of your denial so you can step into Jesus’
unconditional love and grace and begin your healing journey of recovery.”
..and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32 ESV
For more information about stepping out
of your denial, check out a ministry like Celebrate Recovery.
What do you think about what I’ve
written here about denial being a key roadblock to recovery, help, growth, and
a better life?
Mike
